Big Sister Blues

Last Thursday, I went back to the family house to check up on my grandfather. I was fully prepared to make up for not being able to visit him over the weekend because of our recent surfing trip. As much as I am used to be being in charge of the health of my family members, I didn't know I'd be playing nurse again so soon.

Early Friday morning, I ran in to a wall while going to the bathroom half-asleep. That brick wall turned out to be my brother, Mico-dressed in full CAT uniform and heading back to bed. He decided not to go to school that day claiming he wasn't feeling well. Now my brother is a very driven young man. From being quite, low profile student he strove to be get better grades until he made it on top of the honor's list. That being said, I know that if he could avoid it, he will not choose to be absent from class, especially now in his senior year.

I was alarmed then and f

ound out that he did have a slight fever.I told him to go eat before taking his Anti-pyretics and sleep it off, thinking it mus the stressed-related. Imagine my amusement when he suddenly called me we had the following conversation.

Mico: Ate, pag okay na ko mamaya, drive mo naman ako.

Mona: Saan?

Mico: May soiree kasi kami mamaya,e part ako sa nag organize

Mona: O sige, pero magpagaling ka muna .(in my head: Naknampuch..)

It was funny but the big sister me in got all alarmed. (Soiree? Girls? But he's only... ummm. yeah... 17.) I mean, it's great that he's finally exploring his social side but i didn't know he still had the time to go out and mingle with his busy schedule. (He doesn't tell me anything anymore .Hmp.) Eventually, he wasn

't able to leave the house when he felt worse later in the day. I found him in my parents' bedroom when I woke up later in the morning. He was like a big little boy wrapped up in blankets and shivering with fever. His temperature was 38 degrees Celcius and rising. As much as I can, I stop myself from treating him like a kid and

babying him. In this case, it was hard not to be flustered when my 5 feet 9 inches tall baby brother looked so helpless under the sheets.

I put on my gruff, chiding voice " Ikaw kasi sobra ma-stress sa school. San mo kaya nakuha yan? di ka ba kinagat ng lamok?" but i was already preparing him a tepid sponge bath to help the fever abate.

He's such a big puppy. It's hard to imagine he'd grow so tall. He was such a funny little bald thing when he was born. I was already 10 years old then. When, he was a toddler, he was the embodiment of Dennis the Menace. Everywhere he went, disaster would follow- either in the form of broken vases or broken limbs.You'll always hear someone shouting "MICO!" at one time or another. My sister and I would always be on our toes whenever he was let loose of his crib or room. We'd follow him with arms outstretched, always anticipating he'd fall down, walking at such a fast pace in his waddling gait.

I can't forget that one time when he was running top speed straight down from the stairs and on his way to hugging me. I was sitting on the floor with my knees up a

nd he tripped right when he was in front of me. I managed to catch him and he managed to get his single protruding teeth hooked on the fleshy part above my knee. I did not know whether to laugh or cry. Well, now, whenever I think about it, I burst out laughing.

Later on when he was in his pre-school years, he moved from terrorizing us to terrorizing our pets. There was this one afternoon he was so excited to show me something, he was jumping up and down. I followed him outside to the back of the house and I screamed in consternation. There, in our 3 feet-high drum full of water, he was "making" the puppies "swim"!! They were struggling to keep their sorry little heads above the water but failing miserably. All I could say was "MICO!" as I strove to rescue the poor creatures.

Anyway, his quite, reserved demeanor is such a stark contrast to the playful, impish little kid I grew up with. Even if he was quite sickly when he was a kid, he had some fire in

him and pestered us, his big sisters, all the time with some joke or prank. I look back now and I miss those days when he was quite dependent on us.

Today, my brother is a tal,l able-bodied teen ager who is wiser than his years. He is God-fearing, conscientious and upright in his ways. He has his own way of doing things that is why I try to leave him alone to do his thing, being there only when he needs any help or guidance on practical things like learning how to drive or learning how to use public transportation.

So this rare opportunity of taking care of him was something I cherished. Later that day, I had to go home to my hubby but asked my mom to call me if anything cam

e up. True enough,I learned on Saturday that Mico was taken to the hospital for a check up since his fever was not abating. I forsook everything else I had to do that weekend, including racing for the third leg of the dragon boat regatta to be there. My heart was pounding because I was afraid he had Dengue fever.

Thankfully, it was not a hemmorrhaegic case but was a Urinary Track Infection that affected his bladder and was in his blood, too. He had to stay in the hospital for 3-5 days and of course, I volunteered to baby-sit him.

Staying cooped up inside a hospital room seems to be intolerable for a teen ager like Mico. He was so bored he read anything that was brought to him. I knew he still had school work on his mind but I tried to tell him to use his sick days to rest.

Being his guardian for his period of confinement gave me chance to observe him and know how he turned out to be.

For one, he's not much of a talker but when you get him to talk, he's lively and vivacious when it comes to things that interest him.

Two, for as much as he appears to be a full-grown man, so much of him is still a baby-innocent and guile-less.

Three, he knows how to have fun and does go out with friends at school and acquaintances he met at his UPCAT review last summer

Four (and this is one of tho

se things I found hard to deal with ) He naturally attracted girls. Probably because of his height or his looks.The female student nurses were flustered at being confronted by this towering teen ager in the pediatric ward.However, after overcoming their bashfulness, they kept coming back to ask trivial questions they could have done asking, in one sitting. My brother didn't seem to mind and answered all their inquiries. Meanwhile, I could only show my irritation with my silence, as I didn't want to embarrass them or my brother. So I kept my mouth shut, looked detached and above it all, even if I had a hundred "hirits" hidden away, ready to fire.

And five,He's afraid of blood and acts gruff and unattached, but deep inside, he appreciates being taken cared of. I actually derived amusement from describing how the needle in his arm and the fluid running through his veins worked. He's so squeamish it doesn't take much to freak him out.

In short, I am thankful for the time I spent with him when he was sick. Naturally, being a cramped room was boring at certain times but being with my little brother made up for it in a sense that it's like deciphering how a wall opens from your side.It takes a lot of figuring out but It's more of feeling it out.

I am aware that before I know it, he'll be in college and then he'll have a job and he'll be on his own. I know he'll take an entirely different path from what I chose. I know, too, that he won't be just good, he'll be great.

There are moments when I wish I could freeze time and rewind to those moments when he was our baby in size and stature. I regret all those times I was too busy with my social life to spend time with him. Yet I am grateful for rare moments when I can be there fro him and do something for him.

I Like I said, I try not to be too emotional when that kid's around. Yet the big sister in me is a secret stage- Ate. I absolutely dote on my brother.He hates effusive displays of affection. So I keep it inside me and wait for opportunities when my affections are warranted by his need for his big sister.

He's bigger and taller than I am now,and I know he has a lot more growing-up to do,

but he'll always be

my baby brother.

I'll learn to let go.. eventually. =)