burning bridges

 

I have to dismantle my verbal arsenal simply because you do not fight fair.

The collateral damage directly affects what essentially links us. And I hold it far more dear  than you apparently do.

I have underestimated how you value your own hide. That your vows are but secondary to self-preservation is truly, truly regrettable. That you would shield yourself from my verbal blows with the body of the one you claim to love is most lamentable.

Romantic that I am, I sincerely believed that love will conquer all.

The love you claim to have seems so very wanting with your continued struggle  to uphold your sorely blemished reputation rather than concentrating your efforts in making amends.

Unfortunately, I have to withdraw from this battle prematurely. Emotional blackmailing seems to be your forte.

However, I am tied in spirit to her and my heart revolts against the juvenile nature of your acquired victory.

I cannot keep silent lest I be untrue to my own self. Yet, I risk so much more than you care to lose so let me rant in seclusion.

You are a fraud- A selfish, cowardly and unforgivably juvenile shadow of a man.

You have deluded yourself so utterly that your sense of reality is so skewed you do believe you are without fault.

I want to hammer into your head the concept humility for you to recognize how undeserving of her you truly are.

What a child you are! That you would continue to blame others for your own inadequacies and misplaced pride, that you would consider yourself a victim, justifying your subsequent actions as but reactionary to her tendencies?

You are infuriated by my portrayal of you-the fraudulent knight. How ironic that you protest my judgment of you when you recognized my allusions even if I did not even utter your name.

I abhor you. You are an anathema, antithesis to the concept of maturity.

That you would hurt the one I love and still  have the privilege to receive her love even if you do not even fight for it is beyond me.

What’s worse is that out of my own love, I have to retreat into my shell and let this run its course.

Let her get hurt. Let her weep and love you all over again. Until she is exhausted.

It is not my place to intervene. I can only purge this fury through these words in space.

My estimation of you now, though belated, is still unwavering.

You have the reasoning of a toddler. Battling wits against you is like pitting stones against a stone wall.

An epic fail, you shall not pass.

You have been weighed.

You have been measured.

And you have been found absolutely wanting.

Though my wrath has been deflected, my ammunition curtailed, let me burn this bridge.

Blood and Ashes. I shall bide my time.

A FRAUDULENT KNIGHT

I must attribute this disatrous outcome to the potential for gullability of human nature.
For some, it is easier to believe in the goodness of people rather than an initial upfront condemnation especially
if the timing is superb.

I cannot forgive myself for this error in judgement.
I am simply flabbergasted at the revelation of such immidicable flaw in character
in someone to whom I endorsed and eventualy, though albeitly, entrusted
the happiness of one I hold dear.

I am ashamed that I have let myself be conned into believing the sterling constitution of this fraudulent knight.
I am distressed that I had no power to prevent such unfortunate circumstance, that I was unable to
penetrate the depth of deception that had allegedly begun to manifest itself, simply because of my lack of physical proximity.

Who are you? Where in Hades did you hail from?

It is simply unacceptable that you have transformed into an atrocious being because your buttons were pushed.
It is unjustifiable to claim that another entity was responsible for your  emotional detraction.

If you are human, then you, as all humans do, have a choice- the consciousness to make an intelligent decision
even in the most dire situation.

Where is  he, the one who ardorously proclaimed his intentions to the world?
Where is  he, the one who unflinchingly withstood her personal purging, who vowed to stand by her through trial and tribulation?
where is this man? Did he ever exist at all?

We were blown away by your enduring nature. You charmed your way into our circle.
Yes, we were fatally impressed by this showmanship.

I am trying to wrap my mind around the concept of your duplicity.
You should have simply shown us your mettle- that you would break violently under stress.

Then we could find it in our heart to be forgiving. After all, you are human too.

But no. You resorted to such an ostentatious show of manhood.
How could you find it in you bones to be so proud
When you yourself are responsible for reducing your reputation into cinders by sheer callousness?
I have never met any one so spineless.

It is grievious that regret always comes at the end.
I grieve, for our visions of ever-after has been marred for her.
I now realize, belatedly, that even the dullest of colors appears bright amid a murky background.
The dashing knight in sunshine-white is actually just a lackluster page in stained cream.

It is ironic how self-deprecating you let yourself be, in jest and yet
be so seriously self-righteous to the point of being blameless.

Why does it mean the world to you to keep your self-besmirched name clear?
Why does it matter so much to be right rather than be together?
Are you such a sucker for affirmation that you risk losing her just to keep your so-called manhood?
Are you that oblivious to the fact that you have really become the villain in this story?

The extent of your delusion is insurmountable if you still believe yourself to be without fault.

In my heart of hearts, I am wistfully wishing that I will one day be proven wrong,
that the evil inner child has not wrought itself in iron,
that all this was not for naught,
that love will triumph over pride.

Yet this experience has taught me how erroneous it is to be too hopeful.
You have damned yourself too well.